Harry Summers: I was on a path to destruction

Harry Summers hit rock bottom in December 2017. Under the influence of alcohol, he chose to get behind the wheel of his car. It was a decision that nearly cost him his life when a few minutes later he crashed into a light pole. When police arrived at the scene, they arrested him. As he sat in the watch-house of Moorabbin Police Station, it all came crashing down. After years of struggling with depression and addiction, this was the final straw. Something needed to change. His life depended on it.

“All I could think was that if I carried on like this. If my life carried on this way, I probably won’t be alive much longer.”

Fifteen months later, there is a new Harry Summers. His remarkable return to racing born from his courage to seek help, and a desperate determination to change. With the dark days now behind him, and a berth in the IAAF World Cross Country looming, he has decided to tell his story. The full story. Every last bit of it.

“I can’t change the past,” he says. “But what I can do is try to help others. Even if it is just one person.”

Harry Summers has forever fought the toughest battle. A conflict that lives buried within, where the roots run deepest. Diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) as a child, he suffered from a relentless onslaught of panic attacks. As his anxiety intensified, the symptoms would worsen.

“When I was a kid I used to walk in between the cracks on the street. I thought if I stepped on a crack, maybe one of my family members would die,” he says. “Then it went to cleaning. Some days I would be in the shower for two hours just scrubbing myself. Sometimes I would have to do these rituals, these compulsions. Like touch things. Tapping things ten times, twenty times.”

For Summers, fitting in at high school became an exhausting task. An impossibility.

“I struggled a lot going through high school. It was very hard. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I had social anxiety as well because I thought people were going to see these habits, or twitches, that I was doing. I would be worrying about what other people would be thinking,” he says. “So it would get worse. At one point, all I wanted to do was stop going out and socialising because it was getting too hard.”

In an effort to overcome this suffocating pressure, an 18-year-old Summers decided to immerse himself in a running lifestyle. Having read about its mental health benefits, he assured himself that this was the answer to his problem. Knowing very little about running, he rocked up to his first session in soccer boots.

“I had to recognise that this was a different sport and that there was a lot more hard work involved,” he says. “[After the session] I felt awesome and really relaxed. I had this runner’s high, and I thought this is amazing. I’ll take it on.”

Summers was extraordinarily talented. Within one year he was running for Australia at the 2009 IAAF World Cross Country Championships in Amman, Jordan. Covering the 8km course in 24:52, he placed 29th in the junior race, sandwiched between two of his compatriots: Ryan Gregson (24th) and Brett Robinson (46th). Both future Olympic finalists. Despite this promising trajectory, it all crumbled. A stress fracture immediately following the race meant three months away from the sport.

“That’s when things started to go pear-shaped,” he says. “I found my new love for alcohol.”

Struggling with confidence, especially in social environments, Summers found that alcohol allowed him to be someone other than himself. It was a facade for his inner turmoil, a way of dismissing his anxiety — a liberation.

“When I was nineteen and made it onto the Australian team I was very happy that I’d found running, and I was going to carry on with it, but at the same time I picked up an addiction to alcohol because of the problems I was going through,” he says. “Alcohol was my way of escaping reality I suppose. I was escaping the social anxiety and OCD.

“Alcohol would relax me, and make me more confident. Going out as a nineteen or twenty-year-old, I found this love for alcohol because it made going out in social situations a lot easier. I obviously didn’t know how to cope with it.”

Although it began harmlessly as a few drinks between friends, it quickly escalated. Before long, Summers had replaced his running lifestyle with one of intoxication. His life was spiralling out of control.

“After the injury, I moved in with a couple of mates who were big drinkers. It started just being a normal weekend thing, but eventually it got worse, to the point where I was drinking every night,” he says. “I was probably drinking up to sixteen beers a night.”

Throughout this dark chapter, he never gave up work. At this point in his life, he laboured as a window cleaner. Later as an apprentice painter. He also never left running behind, still holding tight to his dream of one day becoming an Olympian.

“As the years went on I was still able to perform at a top level, fitting my drinking in around training,” he says. “The alcohol made me train harder because I thought if I trained hard then I could go out drinking. It was a vicious cycle.”

Still only 21, Summers recorded personal bests of 13:34.58 for 5000m (Hobart) and 28:13.23 for 10,000m (California, USA) at the beginning of 2012. However, both times fell less than ten seconds shy of the Olympic qualifying times.

“Mentally I was disappointed, but at the same time I thought I gave it my best shot,” he says. “When I didn’t make the Olympics I went back to the drink, and didn’t end up training very much.”

During this period Summers still managed a 1:03:34 Half Marathon in Brisbane, qualifying him for the IAAF World Half Marathon Championships in Kavarna, Bulgaria. He placed 24th. In hindsight, he knows that these results in 2012 can never reflect his true ability. Instead, he acknowledges that they stand as a reminder to what might have been.

“Progressively over the years, the drinking got worse. The addiction got worse,” Summers says. “Even though I would cut back [the drinking] before races, I was never going to make it to the very top level.

“I was talented. I always knew that. Benny St. Lawrence said I’m one of the hardest trainers that he’s trained with, so I do know how to put in the hard yards. It was just my passion for running wasn’t strong enough to overcome the addiction to alcohol.”

The erratic narrative continued into 2014. Following a third place (second Australian) in the Zatopek 10,000m, Summers qualified for the 2014 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, Scotland. His preparation was far from ideal.

“When I made it to the Commonwealth Games I was still drinking really heavy. I remember running Zatopek, and thinking that it wasn’t going to be quick enough [to qualify]. So I thought that was Zatopek done, and I’d just go back to my old ways. I hit [the drinking] even harder,” he says. “Then they called me up and said I was on the team. At that point, I wasn’t really training. I was in all sorts, going out drinking and getting in trouble. I had two months to get fit.”

Miraculously Summers scraped together enough fitness to compete. After leading the race in its early stages, he placed 18th in 29:00.56. Once again, it was a missed opportunity. “I was happy just to be there,” he says. “At the time I thought I’d given it my all.”

Whilst this rollercoaster of inconsistency played out in the public eye; Summers was losing his private battle with anxiety and depression.

“When I was drinking at my heaviest, the OCD would come out even more, and there would be more anxieties and twitches. I even started to have an anxiety where I couldn’t run on the white lines of the track,” he says. “It was starting to change me. It’s confidence. You drink to get away from the anxieties, but at the same time, it gets worse, the anxiety keeps getting worse. Above all though, you get confident. You’re always confident.”

As 2016 rolled around, he was approaching capitulation. Nevertheless, he decided to train for the Olympic Games, this time in the Marathon.

“I was able to kind of get my head down and train hard. I wasn’t drinking as much,” he says. “I’d have a good week of training and only have a few beers on Sunday.”

Endeavouring to qualify, he set sail for the Nagano Marathon in Japan in early 2016. However, a day before the race earthquakes rocked the nation. Extreme weather conditions ensued, destroying his chances. Summers decided to withdraw after 10km.

“After that, I had one week to reassess, get training, and get back to Australia, before flying out again,” he says. “There was only a few weeks until the end of the qualifying period. The pressure was high.”

He decided to fly to Poland for the Warsaw Marathon for another attempt at the qualifier. It was his final role of the dice, but illness and a sore back immediately quashed the dream. This time he made it to 15km before withdrawing. His friend Liam Adams went on to qualify for the Olympic Games in the same race, but for Summers the Olympic dream was over.

“It was a pretty dark place for me at that time. Things just weren’t looking up for me,” Summers says. “I was deciding whether I should carry on running. Another Olympics is four years away. Should I focus on work, a career, all those thoughts were going through my mind. At the same time, the drink was still there, so I went back to that.”

In the months that followed, Summers fell into depression. He knew that he needed a change in his life. After six months away from the sport, he decided to move to Melbourne and give running one last chance.

“I sat down with my family, and my boss at work, and told them I needed a fresh start,” he says. “I needed to work out a few things before I could reach the top level in running. So I packed up my stuff and moved to Melbourne.”

It seemed as if the move was paying dividends when at the end of 2017, Summers ran 28:23.97 for 10,000m in Japan. Unfortunately, he could not hold onto that form forever. It had been too good to be true. An injury to his back plunged him into his final spiral. It was the beginning of the end.

“I got that injury, and I was back into the booze. I hit it harder. I was going on benders. I was getting in trouble with the police,” he says. “That’s when I crashed the car. They say you have to hit rock bottom to move on in life. That is what happened to me.”

In the aftermath of that life-changing accident, Summers made a vow. It was his last chance to change. It was his last chance to save himself.

“That day onwards I knew I had to really search out and find happiness. I had to try and find peace within myself, and go get help,” he says. “I got professional help with the drink and talked about anxieties and OCD. I found the simple things that make me happy. That was the day I gave up drinking. Since then, I haven’t had a drink in over a year.”

Every day for three months, Summers attended Alcohol Anonymous meetings. It took courage. This time he was serious about transforming his life.

“The first thing is you have to realise you have a problem, you’ve got an alcohol problem. Going into those meetings and getting up in front of people and saying: ‘Hi, my name is Harry. I’m an alcoholic.’ It was hard, but it helped,” he says. “For people out there struggling with anxiety and depression, I think it’s important to talk about things. It’s important to put it out there and let people know how you’re feeling. You’ve got a few issues, you’ve got a few problems. Don’t hold it in. That was my biggest problem.”

For the first time in a long time, Summers had his life back on track. He was now ready to return to running. Under the tutelage of Box Hill’s Stephen Dinneen, the resurrection continued. Living in Frankston he would travel several hours to training each day, but it was a small price to pay. Finally, he felt like he fit in.

“I’ve never had that drive and focus or been happy as a person, and I go to Steve, and things just fall into place,” he says. “Running is a tough sport, I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with it, but now I think I will run forever. I’ve been able to be consistent and happy in training. Happy with life. I think if you’re not happy with life, you’re not going to run well. Steve really helped me with this.”

In October 2018, Summers rekindled his career by winning the Melbourne Marathon 10km (29:23). A win in the Victorian Milers Club 3000m (8:00.60) shortly followed, before a dominant victory in the Victorian 5000m (14:08.60) preceded a strong showing in the Zatopek 10,000m, where he placed fourth (29:20.56).

 

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Wrapped to smash the old 10k course record at Bank of us Run the Bridge in Hobart. Only issue was Brett Robinson who I had a great battle with was a few seconds in front to break it by slightly more & take the win! I am happy to come away with 2nd place and continue building on my strength and form. Amazing event which I would recommend people getting down to do next year and thanks to Race Director Richard Welsh for looking after us while down here. #dinneenrunners

A post shared by Harry Summers (@harrydessummers) on Feb 16, 2019 at 3:32pm PST

His form continued into the new year, with a third place in the World Cross Country Trials 10km. A famous win in the Box Hill Classic, where he ran 7:51.63 for 3000m wearing Vibram FiveFingers (a minimalist shoe that mimics barefoot running), foreshadowed another gallant performance, this time falling agonisingly short of victory in the Hobart Run the Bridge 10km (28:35). It was now clear that he had cemented his return. It was a new chapter — a fresh start.

How did he do it?

“The first step is you’ve got to admit to yourself that you have an alcohol problem and an addiction. The second step is that you have to be honest with yourself and not lie, and you’ve got to think day to day. You have to think today I’m sober. The next day you wake up, you think I’m sober today,” Summers says. “You live life day to day, and you try and look at the positive things. The things that make you happy. Obviously, the OCD and anxieties are still there, and they will probably always be there, but it’s about finding ways to deal with it and move on, pushing on to the next day and thinking positive.

“I see it (the struggles) as a blessing. I don’t see it as something bad that’s happened to me because I’ve learnt and grown a lot as a person going through these issues. Through the ups and downs I’ve learnt from it, and I can try and help others.

“I’m just enjoying my running at the moment. I probably won’t touch a drink ever again, for what it’s brought me. I’ve found things, simple things that make me happy. I live a simple life, but a happy life. I’m happy with being able to go for a run.”

 

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A great night for racing last night at Victorian Milers Club Meet 1 ??‍♂️??‍♀️ A great turn out by some of our athletes and a positive start to the Summer racing season. A huge congratulations to Coach Steve and Harry on wins in their respective races! A HUGE PB for Harry Summers in the 3000m in a time of 8:00.60. ??? A great event @VicMilersClub and excellent coverage by @AthleticsExclusive ?

A post shared by Dinneen Runners (@dinneenrunners) on Nov 8, 2018 at 3:14pm PST

It has been an exhausting interview for Summers. Speaking about his past is not easy, but he implores people to understand what they have never understood. Do not spread rumours. Do not listen to rumours. You never know the damage they might inflict.

“In running, because it is such a small community, there is going to be people who are out there that don’t want you to do well. They want to spread rumours,” he says. “People are very quick to judge without meeting you, or without knowing you. I will let my legs do the talking. I’ll carry on being myself and trying to help others with their problems. It’s not all about running. There is a big world out there.”

With that all said, one dream still lingers, a hope that never died. In running, there is only one holy grail. Harry Summers dreams of becoming an Olympian.

“It would mean a lot to be an Olympian. I know that this time I would have given 100% in training. I feel like I belong on that start line. It would be an honour to represent my country at the Olympic Games.”

His courage. His bravery. His sheer grit. He deserves that green and gold singlet as much, if not more, than anyone. He is living proof that people can change. That you, the reader, if facing the worst of life, can change too. On March 30, when Harry Summers toes the start line of the IAAF World Cross Country in Denmark, it will be a moment to remember. A powerful moment.

“I would like to go over to Denmark and get top Aussie, but we are going as a team. A team medal would be amazing if we can do it. That would be in the history books.”

As I leave the house, I know one thing. I will never forget my interview with Harry Summers.

End

If you or someone you know is in need of support contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36 or Alcoholics Anonymous Australia 1300 222 222. Harry is more than happy to be contacted and to offer support if you or someone close to you is having similar issues as he did. You can send him a msg via Facebook.

Cover photo: 20th Commonwealth Games – Day 9: Athletics
GLASGOW, SCOTLAND – AUGUST 01: Harry Summers of Australia competes in the Men’s 10,000 metres final at Hampden Park during day nine of the Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games on August 1, 2014 in Glasgow, United Kingdom. (Photo by Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)